you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
