it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We have so much sex to catch up on
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
