is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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