I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Farmville is her only friend.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
