That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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