My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If I die, sorry about rent.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
