Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
