And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
