he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
