he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
