she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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