Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize