They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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