This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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