if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
