i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
