we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
