i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
