I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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