wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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