no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
