But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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