ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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