I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
