Please don't use social media to get back at me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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