god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
