You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
