what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
