He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
