well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
