Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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