That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
