please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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