she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
