The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
