It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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