Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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