when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
