I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
