I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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