I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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