Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
