I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
