they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
