I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
