woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
