he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
