You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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