Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't deserve a penis
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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