You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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