did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
