listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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