Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
